The first thing with such a question, is that you can replace the word “partner” with any other word that is meaningful to you in the context of your life, and that could be husband, wife, friend, boss, colleague – even myself!
And the next thing, is that you can never change anyone else, or make them do what they don’t want to do. The fact is, they probably don’t realize they are being negative, because no one would want to be negative on purpose, and so they are just being how they were conditioned to be through their life experiences.
And the fact that you are seeing them as negative is, in itself, a negative feeling. So it’s not only that they are being negative (which, quite possibly, they are!) but it’s also you who are feeling the negativity within you. And no one, and nothing, can make you feel negative, or irritated, or angry. That feeling was already in you, they were only the stimulus to make you aware of something in you that it was time to feel, and release.
You don’t want that energy to stay and be brought up again and again. To heal it, you need to find its origin. When was the earliest time I felt like this? Trust whatever image it brings up, see the situation and the people in it, and forgive whatever needs to be forgiven. It’s past, it’s no longer actual, you don’t have to hang onto it, you are no longer the person it has happened to, you have grown into a more aware and discerning person, and that issue can be dropped and forgotten.
Once that’s done, maybe you can turn to the present situation and start by trying to make partner’s present life experiences better than they were by looking for, and appreciating, some qualities in them that were going unnoticed. Instead of observing the negativity, and thinking how much it bothers you – and they feel what you’re feeling, making them even grumpier! – you start searching for something, anything, that is nice and positive about them.
The way their hair falls over their forehead, the fact the color of their shirt or pull-over really suits them; that what they said at dinner the other day was really funny; that they are so good with repairing things, or making them work – whatever it is, search for something, and appreciate that in any moment of irritation.
If it’s appropriate, even tell them about it, and tell them about the things you like and appreciate, be an inspiration to them and model a way of being that is always happy and outgoing. They will soon notice how happy you are, want to know why, and entrain to your enthusiasm. Even if it takes time for this to happen, you thinking happy thoughts will make your experience better, and even if they stay negative to others, they will no longer show that side of them to you.
