Holidays, like Christmas or Thanksgiving are occasions when families get together to celebrate. You remember those occasions, when you were a child, joyful at the prospect of something more happening at home, a table laid with special food you never had on normal days, of seeing people you haven’t seen in a while, of having fun with your cousins.
Also, there was apprehension, because Uncle Joe would be there again and you remember last time he came, you wanted to run and hide. Or you are dreading Auntie Susan showing up, she was always telling you what to do, or not to do, like putting your elbows on the table.
Now you’re an adult, but things are not really that much different; if you are preparing the celebration at home, there are always people you must invite, even if you don’t want to. If you are invited out, you know that the one person who pushes your buttons will be there for sure, and you would rather not go. But it’s your spouse’s family and they would be hurt if you refused to come. You would rather celebrate with your friends where there are no tensions, where everyone is happy, than with an extended family some of whom you really don’t appreciate.
Where, and how do you strike a balance between you being happy and the rest of your family being happy?
Well, there are a few things you can do ahead of time, such as a talk with your spouse, to see whether your presence at dinner is really important for him/her. Or whether your absence at the celebration would spark off even more conflict than there is now.
And perhaps, become a little more open-minded. You haven’t seen those people for a while – they may have changed. You are not even sure they will be there! Stop anticipating trouble: nothing that has happened in the past has any influence on the present or the future, unless your mind projects those experiences into the future. Then the present event gets compounded with the past experience and feels even worse than before. You think they are being even more objectionable than you remember!
What if you decided that they have progressed in their lives, as you have in yours? That they have become more cheerful, more good-humored, or more sociable? Go to that celebration expecting everyone to be easy, gracious and kind. Bring to that location the wholeness of your all-allowing Spirit, and your determination to express God-qualities in any given moment.
You might find that you will not even see some of the things that used to trigger you. And those you do see, you will have more allowance, more compassion for. It must be really sad for them to always focus on the gloomy side of life! They must have experienced a lot of criticism themselves, to be so grumpy and critical! And you bring your bright and cheerful perspective to the gathering without trying to convince anyone of your point of view. Just come out with a lighthearted viewpoint that you truly believe, and you will feel much happier.
Whether anyone else feels more at ease as they entrain to your high vibration is not your concern. Let them take responsibility for how they feel, and don’t let it influence how you show up.
